New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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