When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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