Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
