I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
