My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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