Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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