Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
two words...techno handjob
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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