Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
