Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
