I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
