I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
