seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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