I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
