I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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