Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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