We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
