I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
