Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
