The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
