how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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