haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
