i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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