Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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