If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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