ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
