Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm having to shit out rocks
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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