I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
