I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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