Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
