omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
