today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
