Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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