he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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