I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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