WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
