Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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