Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
