i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
