Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
