The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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