11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
