I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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