apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
