lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
