Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
