went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
