I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
