none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
