I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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