smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
