wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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