She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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