we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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