I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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